Reminders to Myself

from Sun Balloon by crystal & quiet

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lyrics

A paper bag on the porch
one month later I drop your things off
all your earrings in a cufflink box
the sweats that smell like you

I knock on the door and wait
leaning in to hear you move inside
are those your footsteps or my pulse?
beating heart
knot at my core
you open the door

I can see that you've been crying
just three feet between us
thought I had a lot to say but I'm disoriented by your face
anxiety comes, open my mouth, hoping to save face
but your stare is bare
and I'm still a coward
leave without a word

Six months gone I still feel the roots
of you drawing at my water
eight months I see how you bargained with our trust
held it hostage, you always said
told me you were good at love

A years gone and I still think about our garden
the inner woods
we walked alone
a dying patch of soul

Eighteen months I've finally grown
staring down my shame
our garden never died
some dark star
unchanging until I speak to you again

credits

from Sun Balloon, released December 18, 2019

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crystal & quiet Seattle, Washington

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